It's still a battle everyday and I can honestly say that I have strayed away from him. It hurts me to type that but I would be lying if I said I was having a wonderful relationship with Him.
Being away from Him for a couple months made me not wanna face him. (Kinda like adam & eve in the garden. They just wanted to hide from God because they were ashamed.) I felt so ashamed and embarrassed that I would ever doubt him or be angry at him. Who am I to doubt God?
Satan can fill our minds so easily with those things (doubt, anger, shamefulness) when in reality, I should be excited and happy that I am going to get back into loving God. I don't think God would be angry at me for coming back to him. If I love someone and they're angry at me, I'm not gonna hold a grudge (for long hehe), I'm going to be happy they came back into my life.
I write this in hopes of helping someone with their struggles. To help them understand that even if you doubt God, to not stray away too far. And if you do, know that He will always take you back with open arms.
I was angry at him for taking my best friend away from me.
If earth was heaven there would be no heartache or sorrow. But earth is not heaven, it's the furthest from it.
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33
God straight up tells us that we ARE going to face trouble in this world.
Just because we are Christians doesn't mean that we are protected by the sin of this world. Lauren was killed because someone else was sinning. Unfortunately we don't get a bubble around us. We are going to go through tough times. Jesus went through the most difficult times here on earth, what makes us think that we wouldn't? Jesus was beaten and hurt here. Evil is out there but I think that's all the more reason for us to cling to God.
I feel horrible for doubting such an amazing loving God.
Here's to continuing the race and falling in love with Him again.