A struggle I face every day is trying to not get angry at God. I don't want to be angry at him but sometimes I let my brain wonder and question things that I know I may never get an answer to. I know that I have to be ok with not knowing the answer, but I'm still at the point where I'm not.
Thoughts rush through my head, "Where was God? Why didn't he help Lauren? Why didn't he allow her to go a different way on her run?" but to those responses I say, "But I know there is sin in this world. I know Satan is in this world and if this world was perfect it would be called heaven, but it's not."
Then the circle continues.
How am I supposed to pray to a God for protection when I don't feel like he would protect me. But isn't this when faith comes in?
Satan wants us to go through all of these questions. He wants evil to take over and for us to lose faith in God. I will tell you now, I'm not going to let Satan win. Even though I struggle with all of these thoughts and constant questions, I know that at the end of the day whatever happens, good or bad, God will turn any situation to good and use it for the glory of his kingdom.
How can I be so upset when I see how many people have been effected by Lauren's life? How can I possibly be angry at God for that? When I see people who didn't even know Lauren be so touched by her life and her faith in God. There is no explanation for that except that God turned this tragedy to glorify his kingdom.
Satan will continually try to ruin our lives in any way he could. He will try to deter us and have us question God, but who are we to question God? Shouldn't we have such strong faith and trust in him and know that no matter what happens that he is going to protect us eternally and allow us to enter the kingdom of heaven if we live our lives for him. Satan is a good talker and he knows exactly how to get us. He knows our weakness and our struggles. I was not ready to face any of these struggles I'm facing right now. But my God is a strong God and he has been my strength and that's how I know that he is real and loves us. Even in the midst of my anger, I somehow still had peace, I still knew everything was going to be ok. God definitely gave me something I was not ready to handle, and through that he has showed me that I may not be able to handle everything, but he is. And that's all the more reason why I need HIS strength. Because I am weak but he is strong.
Yes, I will still have these constant back and forth struggles in my head but as much as I don't like these struggles, I'm kinda thankful for them because these struggles are what's making me trust in him even more.
It's a confusing mess I know.
But if you're dealing with not only grief but any form of questioning God and wondering the "why" question, STOP. Instead, switch it around and remember that evil is not from God. Ask God to be your strength when you feel like giving up and show people God's strength. That will be an eye opener to so many and kick Satan in the booty!
Friday, September 26, 2014
Monday, September 1, 2014
"...her lamp burns late into the night."
Due to my random insomnia, I decided to write about what's been on my heart.
In the midst of dealing with grief and depression, I am going through the process of discovering the woman God wants me to be.
This process is uncomfortable. I am a little snappy and edgy, it's a constant battle because my snappiness is what I'm so used to, but instead, I want to learn how to act with love and grace.
The perfect way to describe this is Proverbs 31: 10-31.
What does it mean to be a Proverbs 31 woman? I wish I can fully answer it but I am still in the process of trying to figure it out. Learning how to be a better friend, bring good instead of harm, not lazy, strong & energetic, helps everyone, dresses elegantly, and fears the Lord.
Bluntly, none of those things come easily to me. I struggle with 99% of this list. God has a lot of work to do with me still and it is uncomfortable because I'm used to just having my little attitude and living in my own world, because honestly, that's easier then dying to my old ways. But I know sticking to my old ways will not get me anywhere and will only hold me back from what God has planned.
Waking up in the mornings with a joyful heart, getting things done and working, not in anger but in love is a glimpse of what I hope for. That's a big challenge for me, especially since I'm not a morning person...at all. My flesh is not going to like this process but I know God will help me and mold me to be the woman he wants me to be.
In the midst of dealing with grief and depression, I am going through the process of discovering the woman God wants me to be.
This process is uncomfortable. I am a little snappy and edgy, it's a constant battle because my snappiness is what I'm so used to, but instead, I want to learn how to act with love and grace.
The perfect way to describe this is Proverbs 31: 10-31.
What does it mean to be a Proverbs 31 woman? I wish I can fully answer it but I am still in the process of trying to figure it out. Learning how to be a better friend, bring good instead of harm, not lazy, strong & energetic, helps everyone, dresses elegantly, and fears the Lord.
Bluntly, none of those things come easily to me. I struggle with 99% of this list. God has a lot of work to do with me still and it is uncomfortable because I'm used to just having my little attitude and living in my own world, because honestly, that's easier then dying to my old ways. But I know sticking to my old ways will not get me anywhere and will only hold me back from what God has planned.
Waking up in the mornings with a joyful heart, getting things done and working, not in anger but in love is a glimpse of what I hope for. That's a big challenge for me, especially since I'm not a morning person...at all. My flesh is not going to like this process but I know God will help me and mold me to be the woman he wants me to be.
Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?
She is more precious than rubies.
11
Her husband can trust her,
and she will greatly enrich his life.
12
She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13
She finds wool and flax
and busily spins it.
14
She is like a merchant’s ship,
bringing her food from afar.
15
She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household
and plan the day’s work for her servant girls.
16
She goes to inspect a field and buys it;
with her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17
She is energetic and strong,
a hard worker.
18
She makes sure her dealings are profitable;
her lamp burns late into the night.
19
Her hands are busy spinning thread,
her fingers twisting fiber.
20
She extends a helping hand to the poor
and opens her arms to the needy.
21
She has no fear of winter for her household,
for everyone has warm[c] clothes.
22
She makes her own bedspreads.
She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.
23
Her husband is well known at the city gates,
where he sits with the other civic leaders.
24
She makes belted linen garments
and sashes to sell to the merchants.
25
She is clothed with strength and dignity,
and she laughs without fear of the future.
26
When she speaks, her words are wise,
and she gives instructions with kindness.
27
She carefully watches everything in her household
and suffers nothing from laziness.
28
Her children stand and bless her.
Her husband praises her:
29
“There are many virtuous and capable women in the world,
but you surpass them all!”
30
Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;
but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.
31
Reward her for all she has done.
Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.
Proverbs 31: 10-31
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