Monday, September 1, 2014

"...her lamp burns late into the night."

Due to my random insomnia, I decided to write about what's been on my heart.

In the midst of dealing with grief and depression, I am going through the process of discovering the woman God wants me to be.

This process is uncomfortable. I am a little snappy and edgy, it's a constant battle because my snappiness is what I'm so used to, but instead, I want to learn how to act with love and grace.

The perfect way to describe this is Proverbs 31: 10-31.

What does it mean to be a Proverbs 31 woman? I wish I can fully answer it but I am still in the process of trying to figure it out. Learning how to be a better friend, bring good instead of harm, not lazy, strong & energetic, helps everyone, dresses elegantly, and fears the Lord.

Bluntly, none of those things come easily to me. I struggle with 99% of this list. God has a lot of work to do with me still and it is uncomfortable because I'm used to just having my little attitude and living in my own world, because honestly, that's easier then dying to my old ways.  But I know sticking to my old ways will not get me anywhere and will only hold me back from what God has planned.

Waking up in the mornings with a joyful heart, getting things done and working, not in anger but in love is a glimpse of what I hope for. That's a big challenge for me, especially since I'm not a morning person...at all. My flesh is not going to like this process but I know God will help me and mold me to be the woman he wants me to be.

Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?
    She is more precious than rubies.
11 
Her husband can trust her,
    and she will greatly enrich his life.
12 
She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.
13 
She finds wool and flax
    and busily spins it.
14 
She is like a merchant’s ship,
    bringing her food from afar.
15 
She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household
    and plan the day’s work for her servant girls.
16 
She goes to inspect a field and buys it;
    with her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 
She is energetic and strong,
    a hard worker.
18 
She makes sure her dealings are profitable;
    her lamp burns late into the night.
19 
Her hands are busy spinning thread,
    her fingers twisting fiber.
20 
She extends a helping hand to the poor
    and opens her arms to the needy.
21 
She has no fear of winter for her household,
    for everyone has warm[c] clothes.
22 
She makes her own bedspreads.
    She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.
23 
Her husband is well known at the city gates,
    where he sits with the other civic leaders.
24 
She makes belted linen garments
    and sashes to sell to the merchants.
25 
She is clothed with strength and dignity,
    and she laughs without fear of the future.
26 
When she speaks, her words are wise,
    and she gives instructions with kindness.
27 
She carefully watches everything in her household
    and suffers nothing from laziness.
28 
Her children stand and bless her.
    Her husband praises her:
29 
“There are many virtuous and capable women in the world,
    but you surpass them all!”
30 
Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;
    but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.
31 
Reward her for all she has done.
    Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.
Proverbs 31: 10-31

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