Anger and Hurt...but Love

It's been over a month and I feel as if I go each day with different emotions, mostly anger or frustration now. I don't mean to sound mean or get so easily frustrated but I do. I freak out more easily and it's a different type of struggle. More of a reality. That this is really happening. That she is really gone...

I know that there are different stages of grief and I'm thinking of this stage as the freakout-panickattack-anger-frustration stage.

I'm not sure if people expect me to already be done with grieving but in all honesty I have a feeling it's going to take a lot longer than a couple of months.

If people can't make a decision and tell me "it doesn't matter you pick", I try to not loose it. I try to stay calm. I try to not bite off anybody's head because honestly, I go through the day so badly wanting to.

I have never had anxiety or panic so these emotions are very new to me...I don't know what to do. In a way I don't feel normal. I see people going about their life's, smiling, and laughing...and I feel weird for sitting back and not being able to smile. It's like I'm just in stand still while the world just spins and zooms past me.

I have been describing myself as crazy. I feel crazy. These feelings are crazy. This situation is crazy. It's the only nice/accurate word I can find to describe all of this. It's just crazy.


The life Lauren lived was so full of love and joy and I pray so badly to get back to that place of where Lauren was but I know that will only take lots of time, lots of healing and lots of prayer.

Lauren's life was such a beautiful example of how to love and share love. During this time I feel like everything I have seen either that was her's, or something she wrote or something I read in the bible, it's all about love. Which is quite ironic since all I have been feeling lately is anger and frustration. But I'm reminded that even in these dark times, when there are days I feel so weak and defeated, His LOVE is there. His love is sweet and perfect.

Love is a powerful word and action and to think that God loves us to a point where he sent down his son to die for us and take away every sin he KNEW we were going to commit is love. It hurt God to send his son down to earth, but that was love. That is love. God loves us so much and during this time, through Jesus's life and through Lauren's life I have never experienced such a sweet sweet love.

✝Live Like Lauren✝

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♡Gabriella June