Depression.

I knew I wasn't the same but I constantly told myself I was ok, but you can only lie to yourself so much. I finally went to the doctor. They asked me lots of questions and came to the conclusion that I was depressed. It hit me hard. To be told that...it's a slap of reality.

I was having panic attacks so I prepared myself to get medication to help with that but antidepressant medicine is something else.

I've never been depressed before and being completely honest, in a way I felt like I shouldn't be because I'm a Christian. That might sound so silly but it's the honest truth. I denied it because I didn't think that I could be. I didn't think that God allows us to be depressed and that if we are it just means we need to pray a whole lot more and we'll be ok. And that part is still true, we do need to pray so so much but the way God made our body, we can only handle so much grief and pain. That's what I've come to conclusion with, that it's ok to be in this state right now. I know one day I will no longer have to be on medication but for the time being it's what my body needs to be able to get through something so painful.

Through this, I have clung so close to God. I have clenched on to him with white knuckles. I know he will never ever leave me. I know that being on this medicine doesn't make me less of a Christian or less spiritual, I'm just being honest in saying that I need help right now.

I write this with hope to Christians and to let us know that when something so tragic happens and you find yourself not the same and have depression, that it's ok. That it's part of the process. That it doesn't mean you're less holy or anything. Be honest with yourself.

I know the day will come when I will no longer have to be on medication. I know every day I will always think about my beautiful best friend. I am forever changed. Life will no longer be the same.

✝Life Like Lauren✝

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♡Gabriella June